AllBodySurgery.com

How to get SIL to stop doing the MIA's every weekend?

My SIL & brother come in from the city every weekend. Just about every weekend she diaspears to do crack and binge drink, leaving the care and responsiblity of my two nephews with us. They just dont care, they lack total empathy. My youngest nephew (3) has down syndrome and frequent seizures, he is tube fed. The 'button' is infected and I'm so scared I will over dose him in on his meds bc I just dont know when he is suppose to have what. I feel so incompetant and stressed. I live with my parents bc they are elderly and have some health problems. I have 2 daughters 5 & 5mos, plus a neices & nephews that we raise 7 & 10. My father just had a knee surgery & my mother is just getting over pnemonia. Last night my Sil & brother came to town. He left to help a friend who got stuck. Not long later my SIL was talking with me in the kitchen, she left the room and I heard a door open and close... she snuck out! She most likely wont return till Monday, stay in the guest room for 2 days and come out angry w/ us! This all just happens so often that its become normal. They do this on birthdays, Thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas. I mean when I was 39wks pregnant, my mother was sick w/ pnemonia, my father had strep, and they left for a week! This was when my nephew w/ down syndrome just started getting tube fed & no one was told about anything. Its difficult bc you just learn how to give him his meds and the docs change them and she doesnt inform us on ANYTHING! Her oldest son was living with us last year bc he couldn;t miss any more school or he would fail. He started coming to me with owiies and problems and she got mad at me! He's 9 and when they disapear I'm the one talking to him, telling him its not his fault. She cant even use the excuse that the youngest is stressful bc this has been going on 4 ten yrs! She misses they youngest ones appointments and takes none of it serious. It does no good to talk to them bc nothing changes & it causes even more problems. We all feel like we're enablers but what do we do? If she did this to her family once, they would call CPS on her in a heart beat. she never does anything like this to them EVER and I'm soooo angry! What do I do? I guess why I'm letting my brother 'off the hook' or not coming down as hard is because he has a disability as well & his finer motor skills are lacking thus he can't really give meds or do feedings. Thank you for all the feed back.

Public Comments

1. Find someone in the family to take the kids. Get together and call on her. File papres of custody. have them drug test her just do everything legaly talk to a lawyer. These kids need love and support.
2. You HAVE to call CPS and get those poor kids out of this situation. If you cannot handle the added responsibilty ( and everyone should understand your overflowing plate already) the kids should be put in a foster home that can help them. I mean, sure right now the SIL and brother are bringing the kids to you - a safe haven. But what if one day the child finds their parent dead from an overdose or God forbid one of the kids are hurt b/c their mom zoned out and allows the house to catch on fire or something. It is not a long stretch. And of course the children can get deathly ill if Heaven forbid the parents are doing meth in the home. I was in this situation once with my cousins kid. I had the baby all the time til they threatened to "make sure he is never seen again" b/c my cousins dad threatened to call the cops on them about their meth problem. At that point I feared for the babies life and called CPS. It turned out not what I had in mind, but still 1005 better than the parents getting him. The baby's aunt now has custody of him. I was hoping that we would get to keep him, but when the mom found out it was me that called, they wanted him moved. But I would do it again. The child's safety is most important. Good luck and God Bless you for being so good to those kids
3. yes you are being an enabler. I'm not coming down on you, I have empathy for you and my heart goes out to those poor kids. WHY HAVE YOU NOT CALLED CPS? You are not only enabling her, you are an accomplice to her. These are children and they are your family. The only responsible thing to do is to bite the bullet and call CPS. Petition for custody. Be prepared to anger your brother and all of that, possibly even your parents, but don't these kids deserve a chance in life? It sounds like the young one might just die (maybe on your watch!) and the courts will ask you did you know what was going on? Then what will you say? What if something terrible happens to the kids. What will you have to live with then? Angering, even losing your brother is worth it (you seem to not place any blame on him.), to save the babies. DO what is right. Report them.
4. You said it at the end of your question - Call CPS. These children need your help to get this situation fixed. They deserve better than this. Call CPS immediately!
5. So you've got a 5 month old and a 5 year old of your own, a niece and a nephew of 7 and 10 that you are responsible for, as well, and then every weekend, you have two more nephews dumped on you, one of them a special needs child, so your brother and his wife can party. You are spending your weekends taking care of six kids, while the parents use you as a free babysitter. Stop. Now. Your SIL never does this sort of thing to her family because as you point out, they don't let her get away with it, and you do. However, I agree with a previous poster; you are letting your brother off the hook and focusing all your anger on your sister. She is useless, but those kids are your brother's kids, as well. Are they both abusing drugs, or is it just her? You need to call CPS and have a private meeting with someone to discuss options. Maybe the best result would be that your brother leaves his wife, takes the kids, moves in with you and demonstrates that he is cleaning himself up and taking his parental responsibilities seriously. Or maybe you need to threaten to call her family, tell them of her behavior, and tell them that, from now on, they are taking the kids, at least every other weekend, because you've had enough. You also need to enlist some other family members. Are there any relatives who could come and give you a hand, at least on the weekends? What you desperately need is some time to yourself, instead of feeling like you are life's indentured servant, while your immature sister in law acts like a teenager at your expense. Start raising alarm bells. You need help. I'll bet there are other family members who can help; it's just easier to let you do it all. Start standing up for yourself, and demanding that other people start acting like adults.