First Black Open Heart Surgery Knowledge Base
white folk did you know that a black man did the first open heart surgery. so next time you indulge in your? artery clogging cheese sammich, and bloody meat, after the meal go on your knees and thank the black man because when your artery clogs up, the remedy will be there, courtesy of the honorable and respectable black man. sparkles dont disrespect a black mans achievement (open heart surgery) on a black mans invention(the internet). thank you i will not be spoken to rudely by you all especially not on a medium (internet) invented by the black man. i will have to tell philip emeagwali to seize all your computers because you desecrate his work with your filth. please dont spew negativity on his invention bahahahahahahahahah ivy that was mad funny lol lol gunshy wat it do pimp?
Why do racist trolls continue to say that black people have done nothing positive in this world? Look, I may be white but even I know that blacks made achievements to our society and I am curious as to why it is so hard fro these trolls to realize this: If the black race is worthless: 1. Then explain Ancient Egpt to me. 2. Also what about the Great Mali Empire that took over 1/3 of Africa for centuries. 3. What about the Zimbabwe Ruins and the Zimbabwe pyramids. 4. What about all their inventions such as traffic lights, peanut butter, automatic transmission, gigabyte memory chip, baby formula, gas masks, etc. No blacks means more people would die in chemical warfares. 5. Also, two American cities were designed by blacks, Chicago, and Washington DC. No blacks mean no nation's capital. 6. Also, what about blood banks and open heart surgery? No blacks means no heart surgery. Ever single statement I have made can be verified through Wikipedia. If you are still uneducated, well, facts are meaningless to you.
My mother is a patient at university hospital in Cincinnati,Ohio and about 2 months ago she had heart surgery. Basically this is the problem she had open heart surgery about 2 months ago had 2 valves replaced and 1 repaired.2 weeks afterwards she was sent to a rehabilitation center/rest home to get rid of this "mystery infection which was making her condition worse".while in recovery there the dumb nurse gave her waaaaaaay too many blood thinners which turned her bowels black and her urine (this messed her up majorly!!).Afterwards she returned to the hospital for a short stay and then came home.while home she was on an iv and other medicines and wore oxygen at night.a week or 2 later she started having chest pains and was sent back to the hospital where she had another heart surgery (which we were unaware of & same procedure) but now she's worse!!! there was talk of the Dr not doing something right but nobody knows. should we get a lawyer and or a family advocate? I think so but I know nothing about any of this and I'm soooooo stressed and scared for my mother. Any advice would be helpful!!!!!!
Can you write a short story similar to this illustrating black history must be orignal work winner wins ten po This is a story of a little boy named Theo who woke up one morning and asked his mother, "Mom, what if there were no Black people in the world?" Well his mother thought about that for a moment, and then said, "Son, follow me around today and lets just see what it would be like if there were no Black people in the world. Now go get dressed and we will get started. Theo ran to his room to put on his clothes and shoes. His mother took one look at him and said, "Theo, where are your shoes? Son, I must iron your clothes. Why are they so wrinkled? When she reached for the ironing board it was no longer there. You see, Sarah Boone, a black woman, invented the ironing board and Jan E. Matzelinger, a black man, invented the shoe lasting machine. "Oh well," she said, "please go and do something to your hair." Theo ran in his room to comb his hair, but the comb was not there. " You see, Walter Sammons, a black man, invented the comb (a heated comb that straightens hair) Theo decided to just brush his hair, but the brush was gone. Lydia O. Newman, a black female, invented the brush. Well, this was a sight. Theo had no shoes, wrinkled clothes, his hair was a mess, even Mom's hair was a mess, without the hair care inventions of Madam C. J. Walker! Well, you get the picture. Mom told Theo, "Let's do our chores around the house, and then take a trip to the grocery store." Theo's job was to sweep the floor. He swept and swept and swept. When he reached for the dustpan, it was not there. You see, Lloyd P. Ray, a black man, invented the dustpan. So he swept his pile of dirt over in the corner and left it there. He then decided to mop the floor, but the mop was gone. You see, Thomas W. Stewart, a black man, invented the mop. Theo yelled to his Mom, "Mom, I'm not having any luck. "Well son," she said, "let me finish washing these clothes and we will prepare a list for the grocery store." When the wash finished, she went to place the clothes in the dryer but it was not there. You see, George T. Sampson, a black man, invented the clothes dryer. Mom asked Theo to go get a pencil and some paper to prepare their list for the market. So Theo ran for the paper and pencil but noticed the pencil lead was broken. Well, he was out of luck because John Love, a black man, invented the pencil sharpener. Mom reached for a pen, but it was not there because William Purvis, black man, invented the fountain pen. As a matter of fact, Lee Burridge invented a typewriting machine, and W. A. Lovette the advanced printing press. Theo and his mother decided to head out to the market. Well, when Theo opened the door he noticed the grass was as high as he was tall. You see, the lawn mower was invented by John Burr, a black man. They made their way over to the car, and found that it just wouldn't go. You see, Richard Spikes, a black man, invented the automatic gearshift and Joseph Gammel invented the supercharge system for internal combustion engines. They noticed that the few cars that were moving were running into each other and having wrecks because there were no traffic signals. You see, Garrett A. Morgan, a black man invented the traffic light. Well, it was getting late, so they walked to the market, got their groceries and returned home. Just when they were about to put away the milk, eggs and butter, they noticed the refrigerator was gone. You see John Standard, a black man, patented an improved refrigerator. So they just left the food on the counter. By this time, Theo noticed he was getting mighty cold. Mom went to turn up the heat; however, Alice Parker, a black female, invented the heating furnace so they didn't have heat. Even in the summer time they would have been out of luck because Frederick Jones, a black man, invented the air conditioner. It was almost time for Theo's father to arrive home. He usually took the bus. But there was no bus, because its precursor was the electric trolley, invented by another black man, Elbert R. Robinson. He usually took the elevator from his office on the 20th floor, but there was no elevator because Alexander Miles, a black man, invented the elevator. He also usually dropped off the office mail at a near by mailbox, but it was no longer there because Philip Downing, a black man, invented the letter drop mailbox and William Barry invented the postmarking and canceling machine. Theo and his mother sat at the kitchen table with their head in their hands. When the father arrived he asked, "Why are you sitting in the dark?" Why? Because Lewis Howard Latimer, a black man, invented the filament within the light bulb. Theo quickly learned what it would be like if there were no black people in the world. Not to mention if he were ever sick and needed blood. Charles Drew, a black scientist, found a way to preserve and store blood, which led to his starting the world's first blood bank. And what if a family member had to have heart surgery. This would not have been possible without Dr. Daniel Hale Williams, a black doctor, who performed the first open heart surgery. So you don't have to wonder, like Theo, where would we be without Black people in the world. It's pretty plain to see. It would be very bad! just used copy and paste and its not homework and its not homework
48 yr old male has open hrt surgery has kidney and liver fail,developed burnt like chars on hand and feet why? My husband has been in criticle condition for the past 18 days now I understand about the liver and kidneys failing as part of the risk with open heart procedures, what I dont understand is why are his feet and one hand black and seems to have a charred like appearance. No one seems to beable to give me a straight answer, I wonder if I sould take this to another level? Was it human error? Was it medication? I dont understand, how does a strong, vital and otherwise healthy young man go in for a risky yet very common procedure and wind up looking as he does, he is on a trach and unable to move, talk or function up to this point. How was this possible, he's confused I'm confused I hope there is someone who can shed some light on this - also his extremities are very pain full and there are blisters forming. Thank you for your responses. I'm sure he had to be shocked as he had aortic valve repair and replacement and well as a quad bypass his aortic valve was so small that it is vertually unheard of and therefore they do not manufacture replacement valves that small so the surgeon was left with a dillema as to what to what had to be done they had to cut and open the valve till it was big enough to fit the replacement valve then they had to repair that using pig tissue all of that took the time of what the whole procedure should have normally been. so all and all he was on the bypass machine for 12 hrs and they were unable to get his heart pumping again. when the surgeon finally got the heart going he had to have a pump do the work that his heart would have otherwise done. He is no longer on that pump, but still many complications. My husband is now a candidate for amputation,as a result he will lose three fingers on his left hand and all ten of his toes.Because he has wet gangren,this type is bactirial and very dangerous,only occurs when an open wound is present. I know there were no wounds when he went in there.Also is it common practice to switch the IV site during a procedure of this magnitude? IV for fluids and blood gases were set in the left hand,when he came out they were relocated to the right hand.As far as I'm concerned somebody messed up big time,and the only person who knows for sure, was in that OR on June 9th. Everytime I ask for an answer to my why and how, I get the run around.Iam very pleased however with the quality of care that he is receiving, but this should have never happened. In the four weeks that I have been there I have seen at least fifty open heart patients come and go from that floor both young and old, and none have even come close to being in the condition that my husband is in.
Why is it so HARD to believe in a Black Man? Why is it that A Black Man can create a tiny piece called a filament (electric light Lewis Latimer) that allows people to see in the dark? But can't be seen fit to lead a country to the true light. Why is it that A Black Man can create an instrument (clock Benjamin Banneker) that all people use to tell time? But people don't think it is time for him to run a country. Why is it that A Black Man can design a place for the high authorities to meet in & a place for the president to live in (The Capital & the White House Phillip Reid (a slave) & Pierre L'Enfant)? But not good enough to lead these meetings or live in himself. Why is it that A Black Man was brilliant enough to do the first open heart surgery (Dr. Daniel Hale Williams) and show the world how to get and preserve plasma (Dr. Charles Drew)? But not good enough to put a program in place where everyone can afford this surgery. Why is it that A Black Man was creative enough to design an instrument (traffic light Garrett Morgan) to bring multiple people (traffic) to a halt? But not seen creative enough to design a plan to bring all this unnecessary and worthless fighting between countries to an end Why is it that A Black Man could create the soles(shoes Jan Matzeliger) that people walk on everyday? But not seen good enough to fill the shoes of a bad president. Why is it that A Black Man was smart enough & brave enough to teach himself (Fredrick Douglas &Thomas Fuller - both slaves) and others how to read, write and/or calculate math? But not seen smart enough and bold enough to calculate a platform to be President to a country that sure needs another first by us. So you see my Brother and Sisters what I am saying is let us not forget our past, which led us to our present and can definitely be the backbone to our future. We were good enough, smart enough, creative enough, and bold enough then, so lets all give Obama the chance to show that we are still these things and more. We all are as strong as our weakest link, so don't be that weak link that denies our people that chance to show we still can OVERCOME & BE THE FIRST! United We Stand, Divided We Fall!
Why don't black people get enough credit? •Daniel Hale Williams performed the first succesful open heart surgery. http://64.233.161.104/search?q=cache:RQBW_iNdNXgJ:www.blackinventor.com/pages/danielwilliams.html+Daniel+Hale+Williams+first+open+heart+surgery&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=2 • Garrett Augustus Morgan invented the first traffic light and the first gas mask. http://64.233.161.104/search?q=cache:T943yMNoFxAJ:www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0883926.html+first+traffic+light+African+American&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=4 African Americans invented a lot more than that: http://www.enchantedlearning.com/inventors/black.shtml I've read a lot of questions and answers here saying that white people invented everything http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ap6vslydgFTkQdhR9ICOXwrzy6IX?qid=20060928165724AAmwQiF http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ah3mqh6vZjYcmggI50PeUDPsy6IX?qid=20060924192342AANH5Tv
did you know an black person....? woman was the first female millionaire Madem C.J. Walker? did u know we've had 5 black presidents (thomas jefferson, andrew jackson, Abraham Lincoln, Warren Harding, Calvin Coolidge) http://www.google.com/search?q=black+presidents&hl=en&lr= invented the blood bank (Dr. Charles Drew)? was the first to complete a successful open heart surgery (Daniel Hale Williams)? invented paper (not the asians)? the development of crop rotation (george washington carver)? Invented a video home survelance security system (marie brown)? responsible for the meat curing products, seasonings, emulsions, bakery products, antioxidants, protein hydrolysates and many other products that keep our food fresh and flavorable (Lloyd Augustus Hall)? invented the Super Soaker® a squirt gun and also invented thermodynamics systems on the side (lonnie johnson)? invented the first automatic refrigeration system for long-haul trucks (frederick jones)?
I was reading some of the answers for, "what are some goals black men have accomplished" and...? One of the answers named a man who performe the first successful open heart surgery, he was African American also. I thought that was extremely interesting, so I quickly researched him and found his picture on wikipedia. In there it also claims that he is African American. I'm sorry, but he doesn't look black to me. It's crazy what was considered black back in the day. I'm not denying he wasn't African American, I know he was, but it's just so crazy because he shows evidence of the, "one drop rule". Picture... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Daniel_Hale_Williams.jpg He looks a little more black here.... http://www.nlm.nih.gov/exhibition/aframsurgeons/images/williams.jpg Yes, I'm black and no I'm not kidding around. I found this interesting. I've personally read books about Black people and the "one drop rule". I've seen black people who literally look like white people. Just the slightest curl would determine the person's race back then. How am I acting ignorant. I'm actually not surprised. I've seen pale black people before, I don't know. Now that I think about it doesn't come as a surprise, but yet a subject of interest. I wasn't expecting to see a black person who looks white. I wonder how many black people there are who I think are white. It's just something interesting to think about. I've never been to the deep south and I don't want to be! Thank you very much!!!! Nope, raised in the southwest, west and north. Loved it. The deep south is so laid back, too laid back. Did you see those statistics for obesity down there? Oh wow.
Blacks in America: A? In a country where, at one time in U.S. history, the crimes of a man could be seperated by something as non-relevant as his skin color, why do some in today's age willfully seperate the contributions of Americans' by the same thing (whether it be with Black History Month, or the 'African American' section of your local library)? Does it really matter, for example, that the first open-heart surgery was performed by a black man? The procedure for doing so doesn't change with race; you either know it or you don't, and anyone with the desire to can learn. It's saving lives all across American each day, isn't it? Isn't that what we (both Black and White) ought to be celebrating, the contribution made? State your opinion.
Why do individuals in each race act as if they should take credit for what other people in their race? A comedian brought up a good point, so I thought I'd share and question. Why do certain individuals in every race, usually racist, name accomplishments to give credit to themselves when they had nothing to do with it? It's a genetic thing. For instance, when a racist white will start listing off things his race has accomplished and others haven't. He acts like he doesn't realize he had nothing to do with the success of his race. He is not genetically equipped just because he's white. How is he going to tell other people what they are doing wrong, when he has done nothing to contribute at all? It's like saying, because the first open heart surgery was performed by a black man, any black man has now inherited the mind of a black surgeon; and I can now trust my life in the hands of a black thug. "Don't let the gun fool you, he's black and he just might save your life". Success and corruption don't come with a race, it comes with the individual. When will racist realize this? I don't agree with reparations. We had nothing to do with that. Our ancestors fought that cause, not us. The only thing we should be doing is contributing to to what they fought for and making the best out of it. Exactly biglip, BILL GATES did this, not you. Bill gates made something of himself, he has something to gloat about. You have nothing to throw in the face of blacks or anyone else for that matter because his work is NOT your accomplishment. Like I said, you can't hold yourself to a standard above someone else just because someone who won the nobel prize shares your skin color. Winning Miss USA is a whole different matter that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about.
Anyone ever suffered a Myxoma? Has anyone ever heard of a Myxoma? I had open-heart surgery a little over two years ago to remove a golf-ball size tumor, aka Myxoma, from the upper left atrium of my heart. The doc suspected the growth of the tumor probably started in my mid-teens, and it was removed when I was 28. I did research online, and several sites stated that this type tumor was usually found in autopsy reports! Anyway, the tumor was completely occluding the atrium stated above, so the blood flow literally almost stopped at times, which in turn caused me to almost black out. Just wanted to know if anyone else has heard of this type tumor, and if so, please let me know your experience or what you've heard about Myxomas. Thanks!
Is This True About Obama? Or What? I Must Know? A Black Man > > > > Why is it that a Black Man can create a tiny piece called a filament (electric light - Lewis Latimer) that allows people to see in the dark?> > > > But can't be seen fit to lead a country to the true light. > > > > Why is it that a Black Man can create an instrument (clock - > > Benjamin Banneker) that all people use to tell time?> > > > But people don't think it is time for him to run a country. > > > > Why is it that a Black Man can design a place for the high > > authorities to meet in & a place for the president to live in (The Capital & the White House Phillip Reid (a slave) & Pierre L'Enfant)?> > > > But not good enough to lead these meetings or live in himself. > > > > Why is it that a Black Man was brilliant enough to do the first > > open heart surgery (Dr. Daniel Hale Williams) and show the world how to get and preserve plasma (Dr. Charles Drew)? > > > > But not good enough to put a program in place where everyone can > > afford this surgery. > > > > Why is it that a Black Man was creative enough to design an > > instrument (traffic light - Garrett Morgan) to bring multiple people (traffic) to a halt? > > > > But not seen creative enough to design a plan to bring all this > > unnecessary and worthless fighting between countries. > > > > Why is it that a Black Man could create the soles (shoes - Jan > > Matzeliger) that people walk on everyday?> > > > But not seen good enough to fill the shoes of a bad president. > > > > Why is it that a Black Man was smart enough & brave enough to > > teach himself (Fredrick Douglas &Thomas Fuller - both slaves) and others how to read, write and/or calculate math? > > But not seen smart enough and bold enough to calculate a platform to be President to a country that sure needs another first by us. > > > > > > So you see my Brother and Sisters what I am saying is let us not > > forget our past, which led us to ,our present and can definitely be the backbone to our future. > > We were good enough, smart enough, creative enough, and bold > > enough then, so lets all give Obama the chance to show that we are still these things and more. > > We all are as strong as our weakest link, so don't be that weak > > link that denies our people that chance to show we still can OVERCOME & BE THE FIRST > > > > If I can help somebody as I travel on, if I can cheer somebody > > with a word or song. > > If I can show somebody that they're traveling wrong, then my > > living will not be in vain.
Help on keeping snake from coming in house kepp relocating him but keeps coming back.? We have lots of snakes this year cause property owner behind us cleared some of woods behind house.I need to open my back door while doing laundry to let some of heat out cause I don t have an outside vent and no outside wall to my dryer.I have a black snake that comes in probably different ones but look same one to me.I'm not scared of him I put him back to a little wooded area left bhind property only to walk up on him next day left quickly that time could not find him .Next day found my buddy(my son calls him my buddy)back.Able to get him and put him back even further into wooded area that was left.He came back again today.Scared of my 3 years old daughter walking up on him anyway I can build something maybe to put across back door to keep him out.Way too hot in house to keep door shut and I have to keep front half of house cool for daughter because of open heart surgery she don't do good in heat.Don't want to kill it cause I enjoy not having mice or millions of toads which I hate.
The Aferican American History Questions HELP!!!? 1) I was the son of ex-slaves and published my book of poetry, OAK AND IVORY, at my own expense. Who am I? 2) I performed the 1st open heart surgery in the US at Provident Hospital in Chicago. Who am I? 3) Who wrote his famous autobiography, AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF AN COLORED MAN, and the classic national anthem, LIFT EVERY VOICE? 4) I established the First Negro National Bank in 1921; then pioneered splitting large apartment into efficiencies and also wrote HR 8977 which became the FDIC. Who am I? 5) In 1926, the Sweet family in Detroit bought a home in a white neighborhood and were viciously attacked. In fighting back, someone fired a gun from the house and killed an attacker. Supported by the NAACP, I represented the Sweets and won the case. A famous white lawyer, what is my name? 6) I produced over 300 products from peanuts;118 from the sweet potato. I also enjoyed cotton immensely. Who am I? 7) I was the 1st Black Supreme Court Justice. Who am I?
Do you let your kids watch hip hop videos? h*ll no! not i! i will not allow my daughters to watch them because that is not a positive depiction of black people. I dont want my daughter to think that is all we are good for because it is not. I try to show my daughter images of black people that hold powerful positions, like judges. I teach my daughter that we are responsible for so many things in america such as the stop light, elevator, birth control pills, open heart surgery...http://inventors.about.com/library/blblackinventors.htm the list goes on. I dont want my daughters to feel inferior but equal. and that is why i dont let my daughter watch hip hop videos, or movies that make us look like bafoons. I want her to know that she can achieve anything, and definitly much more than booty-shaking half naked-i do not agree with this hip-hop videos/or any videos that show this for that matter-do you? The T. you make a good point. LOL. deletedmontage-you just may be slightly right.
Have a serious parenting question, am I right?? yesterday my father&law had emergency open heart surgery, & while we were in the waiting room, my 10 yr old son was alseep in a chair, whiel he was sleeping my niece who I despise to begin with, becuase NOONE will make that child mind, or behave. Came over & beat the crap out of my son, & even BIT him on the back, & drew blood, so I went off, I even showed them the bit mark, & was told by both the mother & her grandma to stay out of it, & that "IT WILL HEAL"! Now today, I flat out told them, my son WILL NEVER -EVER be around them what so ever. I was then told I have no right to keep them. And that I have to realize grandpa was having open heart surgery. Now, I dont give a DAMN if there was an open heart surgery going on, theres NO EXCUSS for that childs crap! He mom has her in karate, & she thinks becuase she has a black belt shes the terminator. I was then told today, that if I dont bring my son around, I will be taken to court to get coustody of my son, justt so they can see him. I think its so stupid for them to tell me that crap, I'm sure once the damn judge hears why, I refuse for those neiandrathals near my son, he'll understand just why. This is a little girl, who noone will make mind, she does any & everything she wants, & has no consiquinces at all. when someone does tell ehr what to do, she screams, hits, kicks, storms off, which I would go after her ass, instead they let her go, & do whatever she wants to do. both my husband & I went off on them both, & told them both to take better hold of your brat, beause next time she does that to my son, not only will I LET me son smack her back, I WILL BE NEXT, & I garuntee whe will be thankful shes in a hospital!! Am i right to be pissed off, & told them basically to go to hell?? I dotn think this child should be allowed to misbehave like this. this is enexcussable for ANY child. My son never acts like this, he has NEVER kicked, pinched, beat, bit, or mouthed off to anyone, esp us. We make our child mind!
Thinking of Getting a Tattoo? i had open heart surgery as a baby and was supposed to die. to honor and remember how lucky i am to be alive i am thinking of getting a tattoo. i was thinking of either getting: -the date which i had my surgery -love performs mircales (written in french) -love is a mircale -or a small heart with a little patch on it these would all be in black ink, really really small, and somewhere no one could really see because i want it to be private.please let me know what you think i would greatly appreciate it! thanks so much for all the input keep them coming and i will think of the angel one thank you :-) wow thanks so much for all the responses. a friend i forgot to mention, also thought of maybe a key and something written in the key...
edit paragraph please? easy 10pts.? Marie Curie and Daniel Hale Williams are similar and different. They both have the determination that got them to reach their goals. Daniel and Marie were also risk-takers. Marie sold all her stuff to be able to go to France for her education while Daniel was the first person to perform heart surgery successfully. After Marie got her education, she discovered radium! She was also the first person to receive two noble prizes! Another reason Daniel was a risk-taker was because he wanted to be a doctor. When at the time there were very few doctors who were black. Daniel was one of the few black doctors in Chicago. He also opened his very own hospital where black people could get the same medical care as white people. That’s how Marie Curie and Daniel Hale Williams are the same and different. the question says that it should only be one paragraphe....i know its dumb. i thought it should be several. thanks! :)
answer as much as you can [i dare you]? When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny? Are eyebrows considered facial hair? If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on? In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"? Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions? Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary? Can you daydream at night? Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it? Can crop circles be square? If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor? Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic? When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible? Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown? Can animals commit suicide? What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant? If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient? How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on? Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home? When two people marry, they say, "you may kiss the bride". What do they say if two MEN get married? Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"? Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables? If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'? If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts? Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs. Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts? Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly? Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing? Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person? If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet? If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isnt refrigerated? How fast do hotcakes sell? Do prison buses have emergency exits? Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space? Can a black person join the kkk? When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die? When there's two men who "get married", do they both go to the same bachelor party? If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should they save him? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David? If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down? Why is it that before 9/11 they always showed the emergency broadcast system test, and on 9/11 they never used it? If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes? Who was Sadie Hawkins? If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense? Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground? If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween? Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")? Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk? What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been laid. Are they pregnant? If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes? Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning? If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them? Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all? Do you yawn in your sleep? Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts? If a cannible was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was electricuted for his last meal? Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies? Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on? If you died with braces on would they take them off? If someone has their nose pierced, have a cold, and take thier nose ring out. Does snot come out of the piercing hole? How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings. Do you wake up or open your eyes first? Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them? Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11? How do you handcuff a one-armed man? If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it? In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end? Why can't donuts be square? Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean? What happens to an irrisitable force when it hits an immovable object? If there's a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell? Why do overalls have bel loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps? Do people in prison celebrate halloween.... if so how? Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work? Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if they're English? What do Greeks say when they don't understand something? What happens if a queen gives birth to a pair of siamese twins? Who gets to be king? Do all-boys schools have girls bathrooms? Conversely, do all-girls schools have boys bathrooms? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? How come cats butts go up when you pet them? What would happen to the sea's water level if every boat in the World was taken out of the water at the same time? How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway? Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins? How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it? Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the smell is gone? Why are dogs noses always wet? If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives? Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck? Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in football, but not in any other situation? Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread? If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? At what point in man's evolution did he start wiping his ass? Do bald people get Dandruff? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Why do superheros wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes? If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to? When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Can you cry under water? Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car? If you blew a bubble in space would it pop? Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full? How come all of the planets are spherical? How did the first women ever to shave their legs know that the skin wouldn't just peel right off? when a pregnant lady has twins, is there 1 or 2 umbilical cords? Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with? Why do they put holes in crackers? Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach? What do people in China call their good plates? How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown? Why don't woodpeckers get headaches when they slam their head on a tree all day? If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth? If an escalotor breaks down, does it become stairs? Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey? Why do they say a football team is the 'world champion' when they don't play anybody outside the US? Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves? If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn? What are the handles for corn on the cob called? Why do British people never sound British when they sing? Why do we press the start button to turn off the computer? Do your eyes change color when you die? Were Mary and Joseph's surname Christ before Jesus was born? If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile? Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another? In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section? How old are you before it can be said you died of old age? If K.F.C Stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken, Why do they play sweet home Alabama on the comercials? If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price? What type of animal is Snuffaluffagus? If you had a three story house and were in the second floor, isn't it possible that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family? Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore? Does a 'Marks-A-Lot' marker, mark any more than a regular marker? If you really could dig a hole to China, and you did, and you fell in, would you stop in the middle because of gravity? If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off? What happens when you put a lightsaber in water? On Gilligan's Island, how did Ginger have so many different outfits when they were only going on a 3 hour tour? If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license? If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it? How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene? What do you call male ballerinas? How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt? Why people are so scared of mice,which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Micky Mouse, who is bigger than us? Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from? Why can't you get honey from a plastic bee? Can bald men get lice? When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling? Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar? If you undergo chemotherapy do you lose your pubic hairs? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Does the postman deliver his own mail? Why does toilet bowl cleaner only come in the color blue? What happens when you put hand sanitizer on a place other then your hand? Why are women and men's shoe sizes different? Can you "stare off into space" when you're in space? Where do people in Hell tell other people to go? Is "vice-versa" to a dyslexic just plain redundant? How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall. but it's illegal to keep one as a pet? Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are? If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from? Is it appropriate to say "good mourning" at a funeral? If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule? When you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard? Was Jesus a virgin when he died? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith? Who coined the phrase, 'coined the phrase?' If there were a thousand seaguls in an airplane while its flying, each weighing two pounds a piece, but they were all flying in the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2000 pounds more? If you soak a raisin in water, does it turn back into a grape? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do they call steam rollers, steam rollers? They don't produce, get rid of, or have anythong to do with steam What is another word for "thesaurus"?
Some Funny && Crazy Thoughts? When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny? Are eyebrows considered facial hair? If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on? In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"? Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions? Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary? Can you daydream at night? Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it? Can crop circles be square? If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor? Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic? When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible? Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown? Can animals commit suicide? What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant? If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient? How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on? Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home? When two people marry, they say, "you may kiss the bride". What do they say if two MEN get married? Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"? Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables? If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'? If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts? Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs. Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts? Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly? Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing? Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person? If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet? If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isnt refrigerated? How fast do hotcakes sell? Do prison buses have emergency exits? Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space? Can a black person join the kkk? When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die? When there's two men who "get married", do they both go to the same bachelor party? If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should they save him? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David? If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down? Why is it that before 9/11 they always showed the emergency broadcast system test, and on 9/11 they never used it? If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes? Who was Sadie Hawkins? If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense? Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground? If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween? Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")? Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk? What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been laid. Are they pregnant? If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes? Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning? If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them? Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all? Do you yawn in your sleep? Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts? If a cannible was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was electricuted for his last meal? Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies? Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on? If you died with braces on would they take them off? If someone has their nose pierced, have a cold, and take thier nose ring out. Does snot come out of the piercing hole? How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings. Do you wake up or open your eyes first? Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them? Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11? How do you handcuff a one-armed man? If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it? In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end? Why can't donuts be square? Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean? What happens to an irrisitable force when it hits an immovable object? If there's a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell? Why do overalls have bel loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps? Do people in prison celebrate halloween.... if so how? Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work? Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if they're English? What do Greeks say when they don't understand something? What happens if a queen gives birth to a pair of siamese twins? Who gets to be king? Do all-boys schools have girls bathrooms? Conversely, do all-girls schools have boys bathrooms? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? How come cats butts go up when you pet them? What would happen to the sea's water level if every boat in the World was taken out of the water at the same time? How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway? Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins? How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it? Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the smell is gone? Why are dogs noses always wet? If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives? Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck? Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in football, but not in any other situation? Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread? If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? At what point in man's evolution did he start wiping his ***? Do bald people get Dandruff? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Why do superheros wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes? If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to? When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Can you cry under water? Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car? If you blew a bubble in space would it pop? Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full? How come all of the planets are spherical? How did the first women ever to shave their legs know that the skin wouldn't just peel right off? when a pregnant lady has twins, is there 1 or 2 umbilical cords? Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with? Why do they put holes in crackers? Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach? What do people in China call their good plates? How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown? Why don't woodpeckers get headaches when they slam their head on a tree all day? If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth? If an escalotor breaks down, does it become stairs? Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey? Why do they say a football team is the 'world champion' when they don't play anybody outside the US? Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves? If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn? What are the handles for corn on the cob called? Why do British people never sound British when they sing? Why do we press the start button to turn off the computer? Do your eyes change color when you die? Were Mary and Joseph's surname Christ before Jesus was born? If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile? Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another? In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section? How old are you before it can be said you died of old age? If K.F.C Stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken, Why do they play sweet home Alabama on the comercials? If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price? What type of animal is Snuffaluffagus? If you had a three story house and were in the second floor, isn't it possible that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family? Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore? Does a 'Marks-A-Lot' marker, mark any more than a regular marker? If you really could dig a hole to China, and you did, and you fell in, would you stop in the middle because of gravity? If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off? What happens when you put a lightsaber in water? On Gilligan's Island, how did Ginger have so many different outfits when they were only going on a 3 hour tour? If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license? If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it? How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene? What do you call male ballerinas? How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt? Why people are so scared of mice,which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Micky Mouse, who is bigger than us? Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from? Why can't you get honey from a plastic bee? Can bald men get lice? When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling? Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar? If you undergo chemotherapy do you lose your pubic hairs? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Does the postman deliver his own mail? Why does toilet bowl cleaner only come in the color blue? What happens when you put hand sanitizer on a place other then your hand? Why are women and men's shoe sizes different? Can you "stare off into space" when you're in space? Where do people in Hell tell other people to go? Is "vice-versa" to a dyslexic just plain redundant? How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall. but it's illegal to keep one as a pet? Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are? If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from? Is it appropriate to say "good mourning" at a funeral? If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule? When you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard? Was Jesus a virgin when he died? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith? Who coined the phrase, 'coined the phrase?' If there were a thousand seaguls in an airplane while its flying, each weighing two pounds a piece, but they were all flying in the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2000 pounds more? If you soak a raisin in water, does it turn back into a grape? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do they call steam rollers, steam rollers? They don't produce, get rid of, or have anythong to do with steam What is another word for "thesaurus"?
Some Questions ;P ? When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny? Are eyebrows considered facial hair? If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on? In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"? Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions? Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary? Can you daydream at night? Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it? Can crop circles be square? If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor? Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic? When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible? Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown? Can animals commit suicide? What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant? If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient? How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on? Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home? When two people marry, they say, "you may kiss the bride". What do they say if two MEN get married? Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"? Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables? If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'? If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts? Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs. Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts? Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly? Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing? Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person? If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet? If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isnt refrigerated? How fast do hotcakes sell? Do prison buses have emergency exits? Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space? Can a black person join the kkk? When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die? When there's two men who "get married", do they both go to the same bachelor party? If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should they save him? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David? If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down? Why is it that before 9/11 they always showed the emergency broadcast system test, and on 9/11 they never used it? If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes? Who was Sadie Hawkins? If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense? Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground? If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween? Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")? Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk? What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been laid. Are they pregnant? If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes? Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning? If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them? Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all? Do you yawn in your sleep? Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts? If a cannible was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was electricuted for his last meal? Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies? Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on? If you died with braces on would they take them off? If someone has their nose pierced, have a cold, and take thier nose ring out. Does snot come out of the piercing hole? How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings. Do you wake up or open your eyes first? Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them? Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11? How do you handcuff a one-armed man? If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it? In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end? Why can't donuts be square? Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean? What happens to an irrisitable force when it hits an immovable object? If there's a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell? Why do overalls have bel loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps? Do people in prison celebrate halloween.... if so how? Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work? Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if they're English? What do Greeks say when they don't understand something? What happens if a queen gives birth to a pair of siamese twins? Who gets to be king? Do all-boys schools have girls bathrooms? Conversely, do all-girls schools have boys bathrooms? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? How come cats butts go up when you pet them? What would happen to the sea's water level if every boat in the World was taken out of the water at the same time? How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway? Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins? How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it? Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the smell is gone? Why are dogs noses always wet? If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives? Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck? Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in football, but not in any other situation? Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread? If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? At what point in man's evolution did he start wiping his ass? Do bald people get Dandruff? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Why do superheros wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes? If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to? When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Can you cry under water? Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car? If you blew a bubble in space would it pop? Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full? How come all of the planets are spherical? How did the first women ever to shave their legs know that the skin wouldn't just peel right off? when a pregnant lady has twins, is there 1 or 2 umbilical cords? Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with? Why do they put holes in crackers? Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach? What do people in China call their good plates? How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown? Why don't woodpeckers get headaches when they slam their head on a tree all day? If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth? If an escalotor breaks down, does it become stairs? Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey? Why do they say a football team is the 'world champion' when they don't play anybody outside the US? Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves? If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn? What are the handles for corn on the cob called? Why do British people never sound British when they sing? Why do we press the start button to turn off the computer? Do your eyes change color when you die? Were Mary and Joseph's surname Christ before Jesus was born? If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile? Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another? In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section? How old are you before it can be said you died of old age? If K.F.C Stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken, Why do they play sweet home Alabama on the comercials? If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price? What type of animal is Snuffaluffagus? If you had a three story house and were in the second floor, isn't it possible that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family? Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore? Does a 'Marks-A-Lot' marker, mark any more than a regular marker? If you really could dig a hole to China, and you did, and you fell in, would you stop in the middle because of gravity? If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off? What happens when you put a lightsaber in water? On Gilligan's Island, how did Ginger have so many different outfits when they were only going on a 3 hour tour? If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license? If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it? How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene? What do you call male ballerinas? How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt? Why people are so scared of mice,which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Micky Mouse, who is bigger than us? Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from? Why can't you get honey from a plastic bee? Can bald men get lice? When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling? Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar? If you undergo chemotherapy do you lose your pubic hairs? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Does the postman deliver his own mail? Why does toilet bowl cleaner only come in the color blue? What happens when you put hand sanitizer on a place other then your hand? Why are women and men's shoe sizes different? Can you "stare off into space" when you're in space? Where do people in Hell tell other people to go? Is "vice-versa" to a dyslexic just plain redundant? How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall. but it's illegal to keep one as a pet? Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are? If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from? Is it appropriate to say "good mourning" at a funeral? If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule? When you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard? Was Jesus a virgin when he died? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith? Who coined the phrase, 'coined the phrase?' If there were a thousand seaguls in an airplane while its flying, each weighing two pounds a piece, but they were all flying in the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2000 pounds more? If you soak a raisin in water, does it turn back into a grape? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do they call steam rollers, steam rollers? They don't produce, get rid of, or have anythong to do with steam What is another word for "thesaurus"?
36 Questions? 1.Can a black person join the kkk? 2.When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible? 3.If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient? 4.When two people marry, they say, "you may kiss the bride". What do they say if two MEN get married? 5.Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs. 6.Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts? 7.If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet? 8.Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David? 9.If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween? 10.Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk? 11.Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning? 12.If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them? 13.Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all? 14.Do you yawn in your sleep? 15.Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts? 16.Do you wake up or open your eyes first? 17.How do you handcuff a one-armed man? 18.If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it? 19.In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end? 20.Why can't donuts be square? 21.Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean? 22.Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work? 22.What happens if a queen gives birth to a pair of twins? Who gets to be king? 23.Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? 24.How come cats butts go up when you pet them? 25.Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck? 26.Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in football, but not in any other situation? 27.Why does a round pizza come in a square box? 28.Can you cry under water? 27.Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car? 28.If you blew a bubble in space would it pop? 28.When a pregnant lady has twins, is there 1 or 2 umbilical cords? 29.Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with? 30.Why do they put holes in crackers? 31.If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile? In libraries 32.If you had a three story house and were in the second floor, isn't it possible that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time? 33.What do you call male ballerinas? 34.Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from? Why can't you get honey from a plastic bee? 35.Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? 36.What color is coke origanely?
Many Questions!? Can a black person join the kkk? When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible? If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient? When two people marry, they say, "you may kiss the bride". What do they say if two MEN get married? Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs. Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts? If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet? Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David? Who was Sadie Hawkins? If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween? Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk? Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning? If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them? Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all? Do you yawn in your sleep? Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts? Do you wake up or open your eyes first? How do you handcuff a one-armed man? If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it? In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end? Why can't donuts be square? Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean? Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work? Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if they're English? What do Greeks say when they don't understand something? What happens if a queen gives birth to a pair of siamese twins? Who gets to be king? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? How come cats butts go up when you pet them? If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives? Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck? Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in football, but not in any other situation? Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Can you cry under water? Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car? If you blew a bubble in space would it pop? when a pregnant lady has twins, is there 1 or 2 umbilical cords? Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with? Why do they put holes in crackers? Why don't woodpeckers get headaches when they slam their head on a tree all day? Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves? If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile? In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section? If you had a three story house and were in the second floor, isn't it possible that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time? Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore? What do you call male ballerinas? How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt? Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from? Why can't you get honey from a plastic bee? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
is this really a good essay it was for school last year and no its not true? Sarah’s sky blue eyes looked up into mine. Her curly blonde hair fell over her forehead. I was so mean to her before she died. I thought of that and remembered Ralph Waldo Emerson once saying you can never do a kindness too soon. “Don’t you dare tell Mom, or you’re asking for it!” I slammed the door, then quickly opened it and pulled Sarah in. “Look Sarah; I. . . .” “Just because I’m seven doesn’t mean anything because I’m your sister,” she screamed. Fire shone in her eyes, and suddenly I felt like the seven-year-old. Guilt flushed over me like the waters of a hurricane. Who did I think I was? This happened every day. Sarah would come in my room and find me listening to bad music, or reading a “bad” magazine. She then would tell. “You don’t. . . you can’t!” She fell to the floor. Fear flashed through my head as I looked at my sister lying on the floor. “Please don’t die!” Mom was at the store. From her cell phone, she frantically told me to call 9-1-1. When the ambulance arrived, Mom was home. She was holding Sarah in her arms, sobbing. Sarah’s hair fell over her face, and her hands fell off my mom’s lap. Sarah’s breath was so quiet that I thought she was dead. Test after test, and two weeks passed by. Sarah had a brain tumor. She was now living at the hospital. Wires hung everywhere, like the spider webs of a haunted house. “Hey. How are you?” “Okay, I guess.” She fixed her gaze on the black T.V. screen. “It stinks that your birthday is tomorrow. You have to spend it here.” “It won’t be that bad.” “Well, it’s late, so I’m going to Abby’s house. See you.” As I left I felt a deep void in my heart. Sarah could die, and I was leaving. I was practically living with Abby because mom and dad were at the hospital. When I found out Madaline was spending the night with Janice, Abby’s sister, I nearly puked. Having one girl the same age as my sister with me was bad enough. I was angry. My sister was sick in a hospital, and her friends were healthy and alive. As I walked into Abby’s house I was clobbered by Madaline and Janice, “Oh, Bailee, we have the perfect idea!” They gushed. The traffic was horrible. It took almost an hour to get to Brackenridge Hospital. Everyone had the sudden urge to go to work. I looked down at the wrapped present I held in my hand. The box was that ugly bubblegum color, but it was Sarah’s favorite. Madaline and Janice held a gift bag and bouquet of balloons. “One, Two Three. . . Surprise!” Everyone yelled as we walked into room 249 of Brackenridge Hospital. Sarah looked up at me with big eyes. She mouthed a thank you, (a technique she had learned from me during church services.) “Thank your friends. It was all their idea.” I smiled and shrugged off the thought. The day was the best I can remember. We cracked jokes about casserole colors, laughed, and had fun. Mom and Dad smiled for the first time since we had taken Sarah to the hospital. The best thing that happened that day was this: Sarah tore away the disgusting wrapping paper, and her eyes widened as she gazed down at her gift. The teddy bear had the same amazing eyes as my sister. The day died down, and everyone went home. Mom and Dad went home to get some sleep. I asked the doctors if I could stay overnight with my sister. I was allowed to stay, but only for one night. We spent the night watching Spanish soap operas and playing board games from her party. “So what are you going to do if I die?” “Don’t ever say that again! You aren’t!” I raised my voice a little too loud, and a passing by nurse gave me the look of doom. “Thanks for being so nice. You changed how I thought about big sisters.” The next day we talked about everything—boys, church, the summer that was almost over, Heaven. “Hey, go to the cafeteria and get some good food, something better than this,” Sarah said pointing at burnt mashed potatoes. “They make the same food.” “I meant ice cream, you know, Sni. . .” “Snickers ice cream bar,” I quoted from memory. The line for food was as long as free tickets to utopia would be. Thirty minutes had passed when I finally got what I wanted. “Bailee?” A man with glasses as thick as sheep wool stood in front of me, “I’m your sister’s doctor, Dr. James. She told me to tell you that she loves you.” The chair I was sitting in turned to stone. It felt as though there where tiny thorns stabbing into me. My sister had sent him as a liaison. “Wait. What’s wrong with Sarah?” “We had to do an emergency procedure. Didn’t you see the sign on her door?” “Yes, but I thought you were just checking her pee or something,” my voice was shaking. I remembered hearing that before a car crash everything was in slow motion. My shaky voice was like the brakes going out. The doctor’s serious face was the headlights from the oncoming car. Three hours later, Sarah was alive, back in her hospital bed. “Hey, your ice cream melted.” She smiled, then pointed to her bedside table. The teddy bear had a hospital band on its wrist. “It had surgery too,” she whispered with a smiled. “Time for rest,” Dr. James said, walking in through the door. I refused to leave my sister, and so the doctor insisted that I make no noise. Fifteen minutes of her quite cat-purr snoring, and I fell into a deep sleep. An hour later I woke up. Sarah’s hand was as cold as ice. My heart dropped into my stomach. I franticly leaned over her bed. “I’m going to miss you in Heaven. When you get there, I will show you around,” she said. Her breathing was raspy, and her voice was as quiet as the wind blowing, “I love you, Bailee.” “I love you too.” Tears streamed down my face, burning my cheeks like acid. “I love you too.” She squeezed my hand, and then let go. As I looked into Sarah’s coffin, I vowed to try to always be kind. Sarah is gone, but how many people can I be kind to in this world? The kindness should never be a second thought. Like Emerson once said, “You never know when it will be too late.”
READ me plz! its easy plz! dont be chicken? okay lets see whos not afraid to read this. most of you guys are wimps though. afraid of a good story huh? lol plz read! Blood Feather I remember…wind licking at our faces, the Californian sun shining intensely. I was just 10 years old… it was on this day my happy life came to an abrupt halt. My dad, Peter, suggested that we should go to the beach, together. My mother and I were playing in the sand, as she built a sandcastle we would sit and watch the water eat it away. We glanced down the beach; the sun seemed to be painting a picture for our eyes to feast on. “Dolphin! Dolphin!” We gazed up to see my little brother Charlie splashing in the waves. My mother managed a frown and raised an eyebrow. My mother ran over gracefully, but quickly, and snatched him up out of the water. Looking disappointed Charlie glanced over at dad. “What’s the matter?” He said lowering his sun glasses. “I saw a dolphin!” “It wasn’t a dolphin, Peter,” mother said in a matter-of-fact tone. “Honey,” he said getting up from his seat “why don’t you let him dream a little?” Father’s hair swirled about him madly, looking like a chocolate colored tumble weed. He strided over to Charles and put him easily back in the water. Charlie continued his pursuit toward a hermit crab, going farther out. “There see?” father said. And upon saying this he gazed up at Charles, his eyes shining. Then he noticed a shadow, moving about menacingly a few feet from Charles. Instinctively father dove into the water, picked Charles up, and hurled him toward the shore. The shadow sped vigorously toward father. And in less than a second something had him. The aqua water was suddenly a dark crimson where father was standing. Swimming in a panicky fashion, he tried to head to shore. My mother could do nothing but sit at the waters edge and watch in despair. “Hurry!” She yelled angrily at him. Father was weak from swimming, “He’s got me now,” he said exhaustedly still panicking. “No please don’t leave me!” mother shouted. Her eyes were brimming over with tears and she stared at him intensely, lovingly. Father’s face grew hard and reddened; as he looked at her he inhaled and punched the shark’s nose with all his strength. The shark sped away, there were others, but for now the coast was clear. His eyes grew tired and he fainted, head slamming against the water as he fell. Mother ran to him and dragged him on shore. The sand was now crimson as well; some coral must have scraped his back on the way in. My brother and I stared at our bloody mess of a Father, too young to understand. Knowing what mother would want of me, I convinced my brother to go shell hunting with me. Mother threw a thanking glance in my direction. I nodded my head and went on. I stopped at a nearby pile of shells, letting my brother sift through them. He seemed worried but didn’t speak. I looked back and an ambulance was parked on the sand. They put father on the stretcher and zoomed away. Mother gently picked up his sunglasses and placed them on her head. She stroked Charles’s bleach blonde hair and picked him up. She cradled him and I watched in amazement as he drifted to sleep. She looked up at me, her soft golden hair resting on her shoulders. “Is father okay?” I asked in a low voice. “I – I don’t know.” She said in a whisper, trying to fight tears. Mother coolly walked to where our car was parked. A cute little yellow Pontiac, which reminded me of a big banana. She placed Charles in the backseat, looking at him thoughtfully. I stared out the window at palm trees flying past us. I stared blankly at the road and calmly asked where we were going. “Home for now.” “What about father?” “The paramedic team said that the hospital would call when he’s ready to come home.” “I don’t want to visit; it may be too much on Charles.” Mother focused her rear view mirror toward Charles. He sighed and was holding his arm in a strange position. “Mother,” I said pausing to turn toward her “I think his arm is hurt.” “No. He’s fine. He’s probably in the “sucking the thumb” position.” This was a good excuse since he was only four. Her cell phone started ringing franticly, it startled my brother. Mother slowly lifted it up to answer. “Hello?” she said shakily. “Oh really, already?” “Okay then we’ll be there shortly” she gulped after she answered the phone and said nothing about what they had told her. Rain started pouring down on us as we drove steadily to the hospital making the mood even more depressing. A tall coral shaped white building appeared from the haze as we moved closer. We parked the car near the front. As the engine died mother warned us not to stare and not to be scared she tried to smile encouragingly but it didn’t work that well. I opened the door and stuck my foot out I realized the parking lot was flooded with at least ten inches of water. My legs were short and the water swallowed my foot and touched the top of my shorts. Mother scooped Charles up and we proceeded to the front door. We had no umbrella, and so as we stepped inside the huge sliding doors people stared. I looked up at mother. The rain hadn’t affected her height but her hair was a brunet color and seemed to be covered with hairspray, not flowing about anymore. She didn’t look at the people who stared, but gracefully walked to the elevator. I struggled to keep up. Mother punched in some buttons and up we went my, stomach descending farther down. Then the elevator stopped with a jerk and we stepped out. My stomach was protesting but I moved forward. The halls were long and had many doors on either side. Some pictures that looked like they belonged in a beach hotel lined the walls. Mother stopped and knocked on one of the doors peering into a high window. A nurse opened the door and beckoned us in. Father lay there, eyes closed, unmoving. A white blanket covered him to his waist. He looked fine. The nurse was telling mother about his surgery and how well he was doing. Then tears started rolling down her tan face and we left. In the car mother gained some of her strength again and sniffing she said, “Father…may be a little different from now on,” she paused to stick the key in the ignition. From the back seat Charles squirmed and sat up. “What do you mean?” he asked with sleepy eyes. Mother sighed and preceded, “His leg. His leg is gone.” The car was silent, and we drove home. I must have fallen asleep, I felt mother take me in her arms moving gingerly and sit me down on the bed. My eyes opened and I saw her sitting with me. “Are you awake Grace?” she asked not looking at me. “Yeah,” I said not actually sure of what I had said. “Father won’t be home for a while.” “Where is he? Is he okay?” I asked anxiously. “Shhh!” She quietly tucked me in again. I woke to the sound of yelling. It was coming from mother and father’s room. “This is all your fault!” she rambled on. She must have been on the phone with dad. “Charles… he could’ve been killed!” she sighed heavily and plopped down on the bed. I was quite surprised Charles didn’t get up and poke his head out of his bedroom door. I got up and opened my door slowly, inch by inch. As it squealed in protest I squinted my eyes, hoping it wasn’t too loud. Once it was open I carefully walked down the hall. Our family pictures stared at me and my bare feet made sticky noises on our wooden floors as I passed them. A faint light coming from the door made a line going up the pale yellow wall. I peered through the crack of the door. Mother was sitting on the bed and some light was coming from the window. She was sobbing. I decided I would give her some time alone, so I went back to bed. * * * I woke up, what seemed like, seven years later. Those years rushed past me… only hazy nightmares I couldn’t see. I was now seventeen and had finally gotten a decent car to drive to school. It was a robin’s eggshell blue Volkswagen convertible. Dad moved to California and mom, Charles, and I moved to Chicago. I missed the sunny days of my past life, but in Chicago that couldn’t be helped. It was always cloudy there. Mom had driven us away immediately after the night at our house and into the clouds of Chicago Illinois. My new school was an old school, what was left of it anyways. It was just a big boring brick building. I doubted my looks would help me get any friends. I was tall, sort of, and blonde. My skin was tan, thanks to the sun, I was super skinny too. I looked like a living rail. My first day was horrid. People made fun of my arms, which were skinny too. I rolled my eyes at them when I heard them talking about me. My last class was band, people stared at me and when Coach Luke, the teacher, introduced me… it made things even worse. When I stood I almost fell, my knees collapsing under me. I luckily landed in my chair, sighing with relief when I landed. I didn’t pull my flute out and play, but instead read my book, Coach didn’t seem to notice… or mind. I got interested when coach left the room and the girls beside me began to talk. “Oh my gosh did you see how hot he was!” the brunet said beaming. “Whatever. You’re so obsessed with him, he’s new. Give him a break.” The strawberry blonde rolled her eyes and looked at the clock on the wall. “Have you noticed what a cute couple they make?” the brunet ignored the other’s comment. I heard someone giggling at the back of the room. I laid my book on the ground and turned to see who it was. A muscular boy was hugging this girl. I stared at him; my heart skipped beats and fell to the bottom of nowhere. He was tall and pale, his lips reminded me of the crimson color of a rose. His skin along with his lips looked like the same texture of a flowers petal, soft, delicate, and fragile. The girl was a medium height and had dirty blonde hair that was very long. She too, was pale. He paused hugging her a minute to glance up, his eyes met mine, and he looked intently at me scanning me all over. He looked away, though, as soon as he got the chance. They looked at the door with a concerned expression and quickly but gracefully found their seats. Their movements blew my mind. I was sure if a deer was in the room it wouldn’t have noticed their movement. He was beaming straight ahead, at nothing in particular, and his perfect white smile seemed to bore a hole through me. I looked away so I wouldn’t go blind by his radiance. The brunet nudged me in the shoulder. “He’s looking at you.” She said through her teeth. I was petrified; sure his smile would bore through me this time. Coach walked through the door and looked down at his wrist watch. “Five, four, three two…” he counted down. The loud bell coming from a speaker on the wall startled me and I jumped. I could hear him laughing at me. I ignored it. “Bye! See you tomorrow!” Coach boomed across the room. Coach was buff, I was sure he must’ve been a football player. I turned around to look for him but he and the girl were gone, in fact, every one was gone. How long had I been just sitting there listening to his silk like husky laughter flow over me? I hopped up and headed to the parking lot. My mind went blank as I thought of him. I found myself sitting there staring out the windshield of my convertible. I put the key in the ignition and the purr of the diesel motor awakened me. The sky was cloudy and set numbers of grey shadows onto the front of our house. Our house was only a one story, which was convenient enough. It was Californian style with a terracotta roof and tan stucco textured paint. There were some small palm trees in the flower bed. It didn’t remind me of California, only because it was too cloudy. I parked my bug in our curved driveway and stepped out. Mom, who of course wasn’t home yet, was busied with the chore of picking Charles up from school. I walked inside, sat my keys on the table, and picked up a snack. I turned on the TV and nearly tripped over the coffee table when I saw the commercial, my snack went flying of course. It was an advertisement for pools, but that didn’t matter, it was the fact the guy who was modeling for it looked exactly like him. My heart skipped beats, but then I thought of that girl he was hugging. “If he already has a girlfriend why was he staring at me?” I thought aloud. “Oh well, who needs a stupid boyfriend anyway.” I was still obsessed with him, no matter how hard I tried to resist… I failed. There was just something about him. I heard some bumping noises and looked over to see mother and Charles walking in the door. I was sprawled out all over the floor, an obvious scene for an accident. She gathered the evidence I might be hurt and rushed over to help. “What happened?” she sounded shocked. “Ummm… I tripped.” I fibbed quickly, leaving out the part about the commercial, it sounded convincing enough. “Well honey, you are seventeen, I expected I could leave you at home alone.” her tone was expecting, disappointed. “No really I.” I was interrupted when Charles broke in. “You should be more careful. I’ve seen a drunk person with better balance.” He said mockingly. I ignored him and got some ice for my leg. I must have landed half on the coffee table half on the carpet. It was nearly ten when I caught myself, again, staring into space… on my bed this time. I clicked off my lamp and tried to sleep. I felt utterly stupid; I just couldn’t resist thinking about him. I tried to remind myself he had a girlfriend, but I couldn’t shake him off. On my way to school the next morning I didn’t seem to think about him much, not until a black car that reminded me of his Porsche Cayman passed by. I smacked my forehead and nearly ran off the road. The car behind me blew their horn. I did finally arrive at school, a little on the irritated side. I didn’t see his Porsche in the parking lot though, and so I hung my head and moped my way to my first class. School passed and he wasn’t there, I found myself thinking of and looking for him. “How did school go today?” Mom asked when I got home later than usual. “Okay.” My mouth said but my mind said not okay. I went to bed with an empty stomach shoving my brother aside as I went. I wasn’t hungry, for food at least, but I was hungry, for him. In the morning I found myself engulfing three pop tarts. On the way to school I veered off the road again, and as the other day, the car behind me honked. I was going crazy. I needed socialization… but with whom could I talk with. No one. I’d left all my friends behind in California. For the first few days, I only needed the memory of him. But today my socialization level was low, and my brain urged me to talk to someone, anyone. Say something. In my English class I exploded to the girl next to me. Mr.Birk shushed me and I, in answer, shushed him. Not a good idea. I was given a note to take to the principle, Mr.Birks pointed to the door and I proceeded, glaring at him as I shut the door. “Grace Whitman to the principal for defiance.” The note said in red ink that infuriated me. I ripped it up instantly and threw it into the large garbage can next to the wall. As I headed to the bathroom I scowled at the boy that watched me rip the note up. I grumbled as I opened the door of the bathroom and proceeded to the next stall. I flipped the lid down and sat, balled up, on the toilet. I contented my mind with reading the graffiti on the walls. The most common verse written on the wall was Philip is mine or I love Philip. The bell rang and I willingly left to go to band. “Stupid, ugly, bald, English teacher.” I thought of Mr.Birks face when I said this to myself. The look of defeat filled the wrinkles on his aged face. I smiled victoriously to this thought and headed to band. “Don’t forget to take your instruments home and practice for the auditions tomorrow.” Coach Luke said as the bell rang. I grabbed an audition paper and my flute as I headed for the door. When I got home I pulled out my flute, to distract my mind from him, and practiced. I wasn’t half bad, I wasn’t sure if I’d win the responsibility of the solo or not, not like I wanted it any way, but I was sure I wouldn’t get embarrassed either. When mom and Charles walked through the door I put my flute away automatically. Aware that Charles would want to play it and break it. He did rush over but I turned to put it away before he could speak. I did eat supper tonight, reminded of the horrible hunger that pained me this morning. We ate in silence and after dinner I went to bed. I couldn’t sleep. So I cut my computer on and closed my door. I was thinking of him again. I got on Google and typed in myspace. I got on the site and reviewed all the pictures until I failed in my search and fell asleep in my chair. When I woke in the morning my neck hurt. I ignored it and looked over at the clock. “Oh!” I realized I was late and rushed out the door. I ran back in seconds later to grab my flute and paper. I pushed the petal to the floor today; I didn’t even have time to veer off the road today, much less time to think of him. I rushed to math, my first class, and as I set foot in the door the bell rang. I hopped into my seat and shortly after a large stately figure appeared before me. It stretched out its hand to tap on my desk and I looked up, gulping. Mrs. Heather, the slim blond sweet faced teacher, waited in front of me. She slipped a tardy pass to me. I dropped my head as I felt the other student’s eyes watching me, and slunk to the office. When I felt that Mrs. Heather had looked away I walked instinctively to the bathroom, again. She wouldn’t know. The other pupils wouldn’t either. Why should I care? Well, whatever. All other classes zoomed past leaving band as the last memorable survivor. I thought of him again, staring off into space. “Next... Ahem…next! Mrs. Whitman?” coach Luke boomed. I looked up sleepily. I stepped forward to play. I wasn’t scared, only because I didn’t know these students. As I sat in the isolated awaiting seat I looked around the room, and then I froze. He stood out from them all. I stopped breathing as his eyes investigating me. I started noticing my hands turning from red to blue. I breathed again when I heard his girlfriend laugh, assuring me time hadn’t stopped. I was trembling. Coach made a signal with his hands, pushing me on. I played. My breath was shuddering like a leaf about to fall. When I finished all the students were staring at me unbelievingly. “You…Congratulations Grace. I believe you earned the solo.” Coach said in a whisper. Everyone’s eyes widened and then, they all smiled and applauded. I blushed faintly pink and then a dark red when he stood. Time stopped again. But then time continued. As he, like the others, applauded. I inhaled, grateful for a break, then ran to put my flute away when the bell rang. When I turned around I nearly screamed. There he stood, towering over me. He put his hand over my mouth, and again I inhaled sighing afterwards. What felt like an hour later he put his hand away, stepping back. “You…You were incredible.” He said with widened hazelnut colored eyes. “Oh…” I couldn’t continue for a moment, paralyzed by his eyes and face, “Really I didn’t mean too be good. I was actually scared.” I said modestly. “Scared? Of what?” he asked, his breath giving me chills. “Oh nothing really.” I said tearing myself from his thoughtful gaze. “Hmmm. Okay.” He said frowning, shattering the perfection of his face. He turned and winked, beaming at me on his way out. I just stood there, on the verge of fainting. I should’ve chased him. But I was too weak. “That was great, Grace.” Coach said, walking over to pat my shoulder. I walked cheerfully to my car. “I made a friend today, a nameless friend.” I thought shakily on the way home. I couldn’t stop smiling, and mom and Charles noticed. “School good today huh?” Mom asked at dinner, smiling. “Uh…yeah I made my first friend.” I said, fumbling on the word friend. “Good.” She said. Charles rolled his eyes. I rolled mine back and hauled off to bed. I fell asleep and woke up smiling. “Stupid boy.” I thought, laughing at my remark. I went to the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror. I didn’t usually put on make up. I had natural beauty mom called it. I hated popular people. They just had to put it on. What ever. When I arrived at school he was in all my classes. Why didn’t I see him yesterday? I shrugged off the thought and went to my next class, Science. The tall, black wiry haired teacher, Mr. James nearly put me to sleep with his lectures. He was staring from the lab table across from mine at me. No one sat next to me on the vacant stool. I imagined him sitting next to me and felt better, completed. I was just too timid to ask him his name. Time flew by when I wasn’t looking at him anyway. On my way home I smiled as I thought of him again. Then frowned to know he was my only friend and I didn’t know his name. When I got home I watched TV sitting impatiently as I waited for that commercial to come on. It never did. Mom didn’t come home the usual time tonight. She was occupied with a meeting that she took Charles to. I laughed to think of how bored Charles would get. Torturing my brother was hilarious, especially if I wasn’t doing it. An hour later when the commercial still hadn’t come on, I wrote a note and put it on the counter. Grabbing a piece of pizza from the fridge on the way. “Dear mom,” the note read, “Gone bike riding. Be home soon, love Grace.” I marched out the door grabbing my keys of the table. I pulled my bike out from under the shed and rode down our street a ways. I took a small dirt path that led to nowhere and thought of him on my way. I pedaled on and on not sure where I turned or went, just kept going and going. I wasn’t sure how far I’d gone when I reached a small stream. I looked at it for a minute, then turned and went home. Mother looked worried and confused when I walked in. But I just marched to my room and went to bed.
Want to know 336 useless facts? Useless Facts For every human being on earth, there are about 200 million insects. The harmonica is the world's most popular instrument. By the time they are 65 years old, most Americans have watched more than nine years worth of television. The puck in ice hockey can travel at up to 118 mph (190 km/h). If you stretched all the nerves in the body from end to end, they would be about 47 miles long. Humans have more than 600 muscles in their bodies. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. There are more chickens than people in the world. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched." All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt." All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill. Almonds are a member of the peach family. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. The largest cabbage weighed 144 lbs. There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula" - and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: "L.A." A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Tigers have striped skin, not just stripped fur. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life." A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (DON'T try this at home!) The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand. Many hamsters blink one eye at a time. The inventor of the flushing toilet was Thomas Crapper. The average bed is home to over 6 billion dust mites. Plastic lawn flamingos outnumber real flamingos in the U.S.A. Whitby, Ontario has more donut stores per capita than any other place in the world. Starfish have no brain. Dolphins sleep with one eye open. Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel with over 50,000 words, none of which containing the letter "E". Bulls are color blind. A can of SPAM is opened every 4 seconds. "Babe" was played by over 48 pigs. Mosquitoes have 47 teeth. Lip stick contains fish scales. The Poison Arrow frog has enough poison to kill 2200 people. The largest known kidney stone weighed 1.36 kilograms. Kidney stones come in any color from yellow to brown. Women blink twice as many times as men do. The McDonalds at the SkyDome in Toronto, Ontario is the only one in the world that sells hot dogs. A bowling pin only has to tilt 7.5 degrees in order to fall down. The first episode of Leave It To Beaver aired on October 4, 1957. Beaver Cleaver's locker number is 9. The first flushing toilet seen on TV was on Leave It To Beaver. Jerry Seinfeld's apartment number (on the show) is 5A. In the old episodes it was 3A. The life span of a taste bud is ten days. Pi has been calculated to 2,260,321,363 digits. The billionth digit in Pi is 9. The first 100 numbers of Pi are: 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 58209749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679. Click HERE for 99,999 digits of pi! A stretched out Slinky is 87 feet long. An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes. Emus can't walk backwards. A group of unicorns is called a blessing. A group of kangaroos is called a mob. A group of whales is called a pod. A group of geese is called a gaggle. A group of owls is called a parliament. A group of ravens is called a murder. A group of bears is called a sleuth. 12 or more cows is called a flink. A baby oyster is called a spat. Chickens can't swallow while they are upside down. In the October 22, 1945 edition of Life magazine there was a picture of a chicken with its head cut off. It was alive too! The average garden variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its head. Pinocchio was made of pine. The largest pumpkin weighed 377 lbs. A mule won't sink in quicksand but a donkey will. More people are killed annually by donkeys than in airplane crashes. Alfred Hitchcock had no belly button for it was eliminated during surgery. There are 22 stars in the Paramount logo. The average human produces 10,000 gallons of saliva in a lifetime. A quarter has 119 grooves around the edge. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. Cranberry Jell-0 is the only kind that contains real fruit. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets. Every time you lick a stamp you consume 1/10 of a calorie. The pound sign # is called anoctothorpe. Maine is the toothpick capital of the world. New Jersey has a spoon museum with over 5,400 spoons from almost all the states. There was once a town in West Virginia called "6". Singapore only has one train station. The parking meter was invented in North Dakota. Napolean made his battle plans in a sandbox. Roman Emperor Caligula made his horse a senator. The green stuff on the occasional freak potatoe chip is chlorophyll. If you ate too many carrots you would turn orange. Pluto's orbit crosses Neptune's making Pluto the eighth planet from the sun. It has been that way since 1979 and will remain that way until 1999. The earth is approx. 6,588,000,000,000,000,000 tons. The force of 1 billion people jumping at the same time is equal to 500 tons of TNT. Popeye was 5'6". Howdy Doody had 48 freckles. The first word spoken on the moon was "Okay". Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon with his left foot first. The average speed of Heinz ketchup leaving the bottle is 25 miles per year. Hilary Clinton once said We are the President. The percent of women who wash their hands after leaving a restroom is 80%. The percent of men who wash their hands after using a restroom is 55%. There are 333 toilet paper squares on a toilet paper roll. The Eifel Tower has 2,500,000 rivets in it. "Jaws" is the most common name for a goldfish. On an average work day, a typist's fingers travel 12.6 miles. The average American eats 2 donuts a day. The longest word in the Old Testament is Malhershalahashbaz. The longest time a person has been in a coma is 37 years. Every minute in the U.S 6 people turn 17. It takes the Where's Waldo artist one month to complete a drawing. 2500 lefties die each year using products designed for righties. A baby is born every 7 seconds. 10 tons of space dust fall on the Earth everyday. On average, a 4 year old child asks 437 questions a day. Blue and white are the most common school colors. Swimming pools in Phoenix, Arizona, pick up 20 pounds of dust a year. The first message tapped by Samuel Morse over his invention the telegraph was: What hath God wrought?. The first words spoken by over Alexander Bell over the telephone were: Watson, please come here. I want you. The first words spoken by Thomas Edison over the phonograph were: Mary had a little lamb The three words in the English language with the letters uu are: vacuum, residuum and continuum. A baby in Florida was named: Truewilllaughinglifebuckyboomermanifestdestiny. His middle name is George James. It is illegal to ride a street car on Sunday if have been eating garlic in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. In a normal life time an American will eat 200 pounds of peanuts and 10,000 pounds of meat. A new book is published every 13 minutes in America. America's best selling ice-cream flavour is vanilla. American's eat 18 billion hot dogs a year. American's eat 134 pounds of sugar a year. Every year the sun loses 360 million tons. Because of Animal Crackers, many kids until they reach the age of ten, believe a bear is as tall as a giraffe. You can tell if a skunk is about if you smell only .000 000 000 000 071 ounce of its spray. Animal breeders in Russia once claimed to have bred sheep with blue wool. Penguins are the only bird that can leap into the air like porpoises. India has 50 million monkeys. By some unknown means, an iguana can end its own life. Americans spend around $3 billion for cat and dog food a year. Pigs can cover a mile in 7.5 minutes when running at top speed. You breathe about 10 million times a year. The colder the room you sleep in, the better the chances are that you'll have a bad dream. The first non-human to win an Oscar was Mickey Mouse. Lee Harvey Oswald was booked with mugshot number 54018. The Gulf Stream could carry a message in a bottle at an average of 4 miles per hour. The bullseye on a dartboard must be 5 feet 8 inches off the ground. The foot is the most common body part bitten by insects. The most common time for a wake up call is 7am. The doorbell was invented in 1831. The are 255 squares on a Scrabble board. The electric shaver was patented on November 6, 1928. There are 500 sheets of paper in a ream. The monkey wrench was invented by Charles Moncke. Japan is the largest exporter of frog's legs. There are seven points on the Statue of Liberty's crown. There are approx. 550 hairs in the eyebrow. The most common non-contagious disease in the world is tooth decay. The shell constitutes 12 percent of an egg's weight. A squid has 10 tentacles. A snail's reproductive organs are in its head. A cow's only sweat glands are in its nose. The word "AND" appears 46,277 times in the Bible. The first word played in the Scrabble rules demonstration game is "horn". The telephone's U.S. patent number is 174,465. The typical person goes to the bathroom 6 times a day. There are 17 steps leading up to Sherlock Holme's apartment. When a horned toad is angry, it squirts blood from it's eyes. Napoleon was terrified of cats. The first Lifesaver flavor was peppermint. The typical American eats 263 eggs a year. The ballpoint pen was invented in 1938 by Laszlo and Georg Biro. The fastest growing nail is on the middle finger. The parking meter was invented by C.C. Magee in 1935. In 1961, an IBM 7090 computer calculated Pi to 100 265 digits. The human body weighs forty times more than the brain. After eating too much, your hearing is less sharp. A person swallows approximately 295 times while eating dinner. The oldest known vegetable is the pea. Jack is the most common name in nursery rhymes. The avocado has the most calories of any fruit. The first zoo in the USA was in Philadelphia. The letter N ends all Japanese words not ending in a vowel. France has the highest per capita consumption of cheese. The hardest bone in the human body is the jawbone. 4000 people are injured by teapots each year. The typical American consumes 27 pounds of cheese each year. The shortest English word that contains the letters A, B, C, D, E, and F is feedback. The ostrich has a 46 foot long small intestine. The state of California raises the most turkeys out of all of the states. The most sensitive finger on the human hand is the index finger. George Washington Carver invented peanut butter. The typical hen lays 19 dozen eggs a year. Stainless stell was invented by Harry Brearley in 1913. A scallop has 35 blue eyes. The left leg of a chicken in more tender than the right one. The only dog that doesn't have a pink tongue is the chow. Iceland was the first country to legalize abortion in 1935. The giraffe has the highest blood pressure of any animal. The dumbest domesticated animal is the turkey. Russia has the most movie theaters in the world. Albert Blake Dick invented the mimeograph machine. The strongest muscle in the human body is the tongue. The most fatal car accidents occur on Saturday. An Oscar weighs seven pounds. It takes the typical person seven minutes to fall asleep. Gabriel Fahrenheit invented the mercury thermometer. The Eiffel Tower has 1792 steps. The mongoose was barred live entry into the U.S. in 1902. Ants stretch when they wake up in the morning.